As a woman, what do you think when you see your best friend, your sister, or your mother in their swimsuit during a pool day? Or if you go shopping for clothes together and share a fitting room?
Do you look at them and critique the ‘imperfections’? Do you expect them to be Instagram perfect without a fancy filter?
No, you don’t. You look at them and think that they are beautiful, inside and out. You help them find a dress that fits the body they have and tell them, “It’s not your body that’s imperfect, it’s that stupid dress. Try this one instead, and then we’ll go have lunch!”
So why on earth do most women – fewer and fewer women if I have anything to say about it – beat themselves up and carry around the immense burden of a negative body image? Why can’t we be as forgiving to ourselves as we are to our friends and family members? We look at them and sincerely see their beauty. But it’s time we turned that kind lens on ourselves.
According to www.womenshealth.gov, “A healthy body image means you feel comfortable in your body and you feel good about the way you look. This includes what you think and feel about your appearance and how you judge your own self-worth. A negative body image can put you at higher risk of certain mental health conditions, such as eating disorders and depression.” I mean – this is the official women’s health website of the United States government.
A Culture of Perfection
Unfortunately, the culture in our country does not make it easy for girls, boys, women or men to have the best body image. A lot of emphasis is put on being attractive, which too often is equated with being thin. It starts with dolls and is reinforced in stores and on social media. From Barbies to mannequins, we see unrealistic representations of physical beauty and whether we know it or not, that information is being stored in our subconscious mind. We formulate these beliefs that are not accurate and then apply them to ourselves instead of viewing our bodies and physical characteristics as beautiful no matter how close to the ideal that is presented in our culture.
Social media can be damaging to our body image and self-esteem. Let’s face it, very few people – especially celebrities – post selfies the moment they wake up or that show off their post-baby stretch marks. Some do, but they are the exception rather than the norm.
As a society, we have come a long way, even though we still have a lot further to go. We have different types of models of all shapes, sizes, races, and even abilities. People often mention the fact that Marilyn Monroe was a size 14. However, that was a size 14 in 1962. In current sizes, her 36-24-34 measurements would put her in a size 6 or 8. Today the average waist size for a woman is 38 inches, which is approximately a size 20 in many brands.
In 2016, Sports Illustrated published their famous swimsuit issue with plus-sized supermodel Ashley Graham on the cover. Just this week, lingerie retailer Victoria’s Secret added their first plus-sized model to their cast of models. However, plus-sized for a model is a size 14 or 16, whereas, in real life, there is nothing at Victoria’s Secret for a sized 20 woman to actually wear.
Can you say mind-fuck?
Advertising and social media is not the only area where we still need to make some progress. Think about shopping in a department store or a big-box retailer. If you wear a plus size, you are usually relegated to the back of the store, hidden next to the maternity clothes. The clothes are entirely different, too, giving the message, “you are too big to shop with the rest of the world, we’ve hidden you in the back and given you half of the options just because you are larger.”
The lack of consistency among sizes in women’s clothing is also a mind-tease when it comes to loving your body. A woman can easily wear a size 10 in one brand, a 12 in another, and a 14 in a third. It can be emotionally jarring to bounce back and forth between sizes like that.
Positive Self-Talk Creates a Positive Body Image
Positive self-talk is one of the best ways to start to develop a positive body image of yourself. This starts with being aware of the negative things that we are saying to ourselves and then choosing to think differently, even if we do not believe it right then and there. Affirmations and personal mantras can change your mindset. When you change your mindset, you can change how you feel.
Even if you don’t believe it, when you wake up and look in the mirror and say, “I am beautiful. I am perfect just the way I am,” you are still talking to your subconscious mind. Your mind is taking it in and eventually, you will begin to believe it in your conscious mind, too. It all starts with choosing to do something different, to wake up and change the conversation that you are having with yourself. It starts with being nice to yourself whether you feel it deep down or not.
ACT Therapy Can Help Body Image
Any of the healing modalities that we have at Forward Emotion can help with body image. However, Erica Sokol is our therapist who specializes in body image and also the mind/body/food relationship, using the ACT approach to healing.
ACT stands for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. ACT does not focus on changing thoughts and feelings as much as it helps people honor the thoughts and feelings that they have and become observers to those thoughts. From there, clients learn to separate themselves from those thoughts and feelings and live in service to their values, which is what Erica feels is the main goal of therapy. When people do not live in service to their values, they often struggle with anxiety and depression.
Erica’s approach to helping clients work through their feelings about their bodies is through building their self-awareness and self-esteem. She helps clients dig deeper into what is going on in their environment and in their lives at that moment. From there she takes a mindfulness approach to eating, whether the client is struggling with binge eating or a negative body image. If you would like to learn more or schedule an appointment with Erica, send us a message via our website: https://www.forwardemotion.com/contact.
