In honor of February’s rosy theme of love and affection, we want to recognize the growth and gratitude that comes with relationships. However, we also want to be inclusive by discussing a little bit about how relationships develop (and why our current love lives may be smooth or not-so-smooth). While Valentine’s Day is meant to be a celebratory declaration of companionship, it can also be a rough-edged reminder of previous toxic partners, unhealthy dynamics, and heartbreak.
The four main attachment styles include Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized (or Fearful). Check out this chart to get a better sense of their characteristics. In a romantic context, the more insecure styles can lead to various behaviors not limited to clinginess, difficulty expressing emotions, emotional immaturity, and fear of rejection. Ever find yourself saying, “How do I always find myself in this type of relationship over and over?” There’s likely an attachment style at play. Curious about which one you are? Try this quiz, developed from the popular book on the topic, “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love” by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller.
An important element to remember is that many people are a mixture of these styles. You may feel secure in many ways and particularly triggered by others or feel both anxious and avoidant, depending on the day.
Before pointing fingers at your caregivers’ parenting habits, know that you can change these instinctual behaviors! It takes self-awareness and effort but the healing is most definitely possible. In fact, our therapists at Forward Emotion, Laura Clay and Angela DeChant, specialize in healing from toxic and narcissistic relationships as part of individual therapy. If these challenges resonate with you, check out our founder’s I Grew Strong program, tailored specifically to the process of healing from destructive relationships.
You have the power to address your inner child and give it the reparenting that you need (and deserve!). The first step to harmonious companionship is having love and affection for yourself. As you strengthen your self-esteem and recognize your inherent worth, those unhealthy characteristics will gradually disappear. The greater love you give to yourself, the greater love will find and treat you.
Feeling the itch to express yourself through art? More SoulCollage workshops are coming up on 2/19, 3/19, and 4/16 from 1:00pm – 3:30pm. Register by contacting lynne@life-after-loss.com or 630.567.8171.
If you need support during this time of year, you can learn more about our services (women’s therapy, EMDR therapy, Reiki, Tarot, and more!) on our website or by contacting us at 630-999-8236 or info@forwardemotion.com.
Sources:
McLeod, Saul. “What is Attachment Theory?: The Importance of Early Emotional Bonds.” 18 Aug 2022. https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html
New Beginnings Family Counseling. 31 Jan 2023. https://newbeginningsfamilycounseling.com/attachment-style-assessment/
